Struggling to be positive this morning…

January 7, 2009

1. My all out gluten binge yesterday didn’t leave me as sick as it could have, just miserable (meaning I didn’t puke).
2. I didn’t gain too much weight as a result of my gluten binge from yesterday 🙂
3. My friend Melinda will be able to spend more time with her daughters now that her work schedule has changed some – I might not be able to see her as much, but her daughters should be able to see her more. Her daughters need her, so this is a blessing.
4. My friend Lisa appears to be on the upside of her stomach virus.
5. I get my braces worked on tomorrow, which means I’m that much closer to get them off!!
6. The grocery store has been able to find me nearly 40hrs of work this week between price coordination and checking, no sacking.
7. My new position in price coordination at the store is truly awesome!
8. I start my new job at the law office on Monday.
9. I only had THREE panic attacks yesterday, instead of FOUR…
10. My friend Cacse possibly has a job interview today for a position that will train her on the job in a whole new career for her.
11. I somehow woke up on time for work this morning, despite not being able to sleep all night.
12. That my hair is long enough and not too oily to have to shower this morning — it is time for a french braid and a little body spray 🙂


My prayer for Sandy and Kristy

January 4, 2009

Dear Lord,

These are my friends, my dear friends. They are both praising you today for the time they have had on this Earth with their moms. Today, I’m trying to comfort two dear friends of mine about their moms and Lord – it’s hard. You didn’t give me a mom on this Earth to be blessed from, only a void in my heart to feel for what I have always wanted… which has been a mom. God, I needed a mom and I didn’t get one – but that doesn’t mean I can’t comfort and pray for my two dear friends who are grieving for theirs.

Kristy lost her mom two years ago today and Lord, she is hurting. I have seen her tears, I have heard the sound of her voice, and the expression on her face is filled with grief… yet Lord, I see a twinkle of peace within her when she places her thoughts upon you. My prayer to You Lord is that you give Kristy peace – let her bathe in the blessings You gave her through her mom while she was still with her. May she transform the energy of grief and sadness and pour it into being there for her daughter. Her daugher is a blessing to so many people and her daugher, Lord, she needs her mom. Kristy needs her mom too, but You too her home. Now I pray for You to give Kristy the strength from You to hold strong as a mother for her daughter.

Kristy is my friend Lord, someone I cherish and someone who shown me sides of You I have never thought possible. Kristy is someone I am grateful for everyday. Lord, I believe You have placed her in my life to help lead me to You. My faith has grown as a result of the friendship You have given me with Kristy and Lord, please comfort my friend right now. Hug her and touch her and bless her, but most importantly give her the strength to be the mom to her daughter that her mom was to her…

Sandy is the second the special woman I lift up to You now. Sandy has spent the last 8 weeks watching her mom get ready to live with You. My prayer is for Sandy to show the strength she has BECAUSE OF YOU to her siblings and to her family, especially to her mom. Sandy told me she didn’t want to cry. If that is You will, then keep her eyes dry and clear and open and let her speak crystal clear of You. If you need Sandy to cry right now, in front of her family, then please I ask You to reassure Sandy that it is okay to cry right now.

Sandy is a blessing to me from You Lord – her openness and humility, but especially through her boldness to come out and declare how important it is to live in faith. Lord, I believe You sent Sandy into my life to show me things and teach me things in ways I would have never been able to see You.

Lord, while watching these two amazing women in my life grieve and celebrate over their moms – it has made me grieve more over my own. I miss not having a mom every single day. It hurts and wakes me up at night and brings tears to my eyes. I long for the touch of a mom.

Lord, I believe You are showing me through my two friends how valuable relationships in life. Lord, You are making me depend on my faith and You have blessed me with these two strong women to come into my life as witnesses for You. Lord, they are showing me how strong You can make someone if they just let You.

Lord, I thank you for Kristy and I thank for you Sandy. They are my friends and I love them very much. I know You love them too and that You are cradling them in Your arms…

Someone who desperately wants to become Your daughter,

Random – on lunch positives

January 3, 2009

1. I didn’t barf last night when I woke up sick.
2. I haven’t puked yet either… despite feeling really sick all day. I even made it into work.
3. God has given me the energy to pull off my shift at work today, even though I didn’t get much sleep last night because I was sooooooo sick.

Some “pozzies” for tonight :)

January 3, 2009

1. The conversation I had with K. this morning was healthy, encouraging, and is leaving me feeling hopeful tonight. K. has taught me so much by living her life for Christ. Her humility inspires me and I’m thankful she is in my life.
2. My hair was shiny today and looked pretty all pulled back at work.
3. Someone at work traded shifts with me tomorrow. I now get to come in earlier and work more hours, but get off early enough to go to AA (if my friend L. goes and can swing by to pick me up).
4. 14 days without cutting, as of today.
5. I’m still really excited about getting to train in price coordination next week at the grocery store – hehe 🙂 🙂 🙂 FINALLY my anal retentiveness will be put to use!

It’s a process…

January 2, 2009

It is easy for me to dwell on all the negative crap. I wrote this silly monologue when I was in high school which had the phrase “suck crap, poop crap” written in it 🙂 I’m having trouble pointing out, being specific enough, and finding positive/ healthy/ good/ mature things to believe in everyday.

I’m using this space for me to keep a record of positive things, either going on in my life or going on in other’s lives or even use this as a “feel good space” for me to collectively group HOPE.

My blog consists of the following categories:
** “Pozzie Lists” – which consist of me finding anything and everything positive I can pull from within myself about my life at the moment.
** Quotations – with space to follow where I can share my feelings/ thoughts/ emotions… explaining to myself, from me, why I’m chosing to focus on the words.
** Scriptures – with space to follow where I can share my feelings/ thoughts/ emotions… explaining to myself, from me, why I’m chosing to focus on the words.
** Song lyrics – I’m a music freak and my “man” is the guy in the music…
** Pictures – I’m a photography buff myself and it is often in pictures where I find hope, find happiness, and see peace. Pictures can represent positive things too.
** Links – to the places where I have experienced something special… something positive… something hopeful… and can keep a record for me to find them again, whenever I need them or want them or for someone else to stumble up… because they were meant to find it.
** Experiences – sometimes something just happens and needs to be shared 😉